I have a TV that basically looks like this thing.

I hate television. It’s old and it doesn’t smell as good as it used to. Plus the internet does all the things that television does, except for it sadly doesn’t have any commercials. I miss those things.

However, I still need to own a TV. This is because of a little blessing/curse that I like to call ‘video games.’ (I hope that term catches on!) That’s why almost exactly one year ago, I marched down to my local Best Buy and purchased a Philips 27″ Flat Screen TV.

Now, I know what you’re thinking. You are saying in your brain, “Jason. Why did you not purchase an LCD?” Well, I will tell you.

I am poor. Well, not that poor, but I am also not rich. And we have yet to create a word in the english language that describes people that are neither poor nor rich in one syllable. Therefore I have to pick one or the other.

Compared to the rest of the world, I am very rich. I will prove it to you. I have:

• A/C
• Electric Lighting
• Plumbing
• TV
• Computer
• Internet
• Car
• A/C
• MP3 Player (A.K.A. Instant Music)
• A/C
• A can of shoe polish

The rest of the world does not have these things. I should know. I asked them. That is how I know that I’m rich in comparison to the rest of the world. However.

I am poor in comparison to a lot of Americans. This is because I do not have:

• A house
• A ‘nice car’ (meaning any car made after 1993 with functional A/C)
• 2 or more ‘nice cars’
• 2 or more TV’s
• 2 or more MP3 players
• 2 or more cans of shoe polish

As you can see, I am neither ‘rich’ nor ‘poor’. And yet I am both ‘rich’ and ‘poor’. I am forced to choose. I have decided to choose ‘poor’ so that I may play the sympathy card. You are feeling sorry for me already. I can taste it. It is very salty.

That is why I was forced to purchase mediocre technology. But it’s not bad technology either. We have no term in the english language to describe the area in between mediocre and bad. Therefore, I am forced to choose. Never mind. I think I’m going to just quit while I’m ahead. Good night.